growing up

when i was just a little girl, i asked my mother what will i be?

no la, i didn’t really do that. i kinda just told everyone that when i grow up, i want to be a bride -_-” (that’s not an occupation is it!!!)

anyway, i also do remember that when i was younger, i couldn’t wait to grow up. couldn’t wait to finish school, go to uni, start working, earn some money.

so now that i’ve “grown”, well growing up is not as fun as i thought it to be. but then again, as a kid, everything is about fun. yet, when i look back and think about the things that i’ve been through and where i am today. i can’t help but say “Thank You Jesus” because there was no way i’d be who i am today without Him. time and again, He has shown His faithfulness and grace, and this time will be no exception.

that’s right, internship applications around the corner. frantically sending out cover letters and CVs, but my soul finds rest in Jesus. i don’t know where i will be heading next, but this i know, that my path is secured. be it here in adelaide, or interstate, i know that i know that i know, Jer 29:11 is what God thinks about me. but even more recently, i felt like i was challenged – more than being at peace, i felt God reminding me of the importance of wanting it, and desiring it. thus far, i’ve pretty much done the necessary, but nothing more! He reminded me about our matching process in IMU, the “want” factor for Adelaide was so strong. both chris & i fasted and prayed for it, and when we both opened up our envelopes, tears of joy & gratitude just streamed down my cheeks. and I’m gonna have to “want” it this time around too.

devotions this week has been really timely and appropriate as well.. Josh 1: i will give you the land you tread upon. although God has given it to us, we still have to ‘tread’ it. it’s always the natural compounded by the supernatural! Josh 3: the brink. do what you can humanly possible, and when you reach a place that you can go no further, watch – and see what God can do.

what is faith? faith is more than words. faith is more than predicting what is most likely to happen. faith is the unseen and the unheard. Heb 11:1

exciting times ahead

all the best to everyone else applying for internships!

port wine

 

so i’ve switched over from neuropsychiatry to consultant liaison, and all i can say is: i love it! and the people here are not as intense as in C3 so i’m really having fun. my clinical nurse consultant (cnc) is a really funny guy! the other day, we received a referral to see this patient who has ?chronic paranoid psychosis who apparently has firearms hidden and buried underground. however when we spoke to him, we didn’t find him all that threatening, and he definitely didn’t sound homicidal/suicidal for us to detain him under the mental health act. but! when my cnc realise that the patient poured a glass of port wine on his father in anger, my cnc exclaimed, ” that’s ridiculous! he wasted a glass of port wine. i reckon he should be detain!!” lol…

oh for the love of port wine, he wants to detain the patient. hahahaha.. (jokingly of course)

have mercy on me…

not me, me. i mean my patients.

well for one, i am sparing my patients from catching this nasty-where-on-earth-did-it-come-from-cold that i’ve contracted over the last few days. gosh. it’s debilitating. notice i said cold. not the flu. taboo k!!!!!!!!! of which my gp has adviced me to stay home, and i thank God for an ever so understanding supervisor who is so kind to let me take the few days off (when i’m actually supposed to be “acting neuropsych reg”) sigh. yea. i only did that for one day this week. haha!

being in psych for a week or so, the memories of 4th year keeps coming bck to me. while psych is an interesting subject, it really makes you think, question, and wonder about so many things. of all the specialties, i think psych is the most emotionally draining. for me especially, being a very emotional and sensitive sort of person, i’m not one that takes, death, sickness and dying very easily. not that anyone else would!

so i have 4 patients under my team, and all of them have different (very different!) conditions. i won’t talk abt their illnesses because i respect their privacy, but i will say that it is sad. sad to see them that way. sad to see how others treat them. sad to see how people laugh at how deluded and “crazy” they are. i won’t say that i don’t. sometimes, the things they say are so out of this world, you’re not sure whether to laugh, or to feel sorry for them because it’s not true! i feel for them. when their family neglects them because well, to be honest, they are not the most likable people you’ll have on this planet. but still..

there’s just this stigma about mental illness that causes people to shy away from them. but the truth of the matter is, they are suffering a chronic disease just like every other person with a chronic disease eg. cancer, copd, heart disease, autoimmune disorders. and i do believe that they deserve the same, if not more care, concern and sympathy even, because most of the time, it’s not even their fault they contracted this illness. in fact, most of the time, they are victims of abuse, dysfunctional families, and political unrest. i don’t deny that i too am scared of some of these patients, because they can be violent and aggressive, but they don’t really know why.

that’s why my psych rotation is always a struggle for me, to disconnect myself from their world seems cold, but to identify with them takes up too much of my emotions. i can only pray. i can only pray.

have mercy on them. for they know not what they’re doing.

healing for all?

 

well, i guess i’ve been getting a lot of questions lately abt why i get sick so often? i wonder if it’s a question that i can answer myself? i guess being busy, having lots to do, and getting stressed out with situations you can’t control or change adds to it. and sometimes, self-inflicted pain also contributes to you not being a 100%.

i must say, the first 6 weeks back, was like. full on. full stop. and i remember having all my reflux and gastritis, and had to take a whole month’s worth of proton pump inhibitors (to decrease the acidity of my stomach). and again it’s “self-inflicted” in a way, cos i’ve not had a chance to have proper meals, timely meals etc because of my erratic timetable. after that season had passed, i thought i needed another course, cos the pain just kept coming bck. but instead of that, i prayed. and i didn’t need the tablets. which was a good thing! the pain just left without me even realizing it..

recently, my other “self-inflicted” sickness is a result of not having enough sleep, because of all the things that has been happening, unexpected departures (that affected me more than i thought it would..), starting early, ending late (and seeing many patients with coughs and colds in between), juggling a research project and all my other commitments.. plus, trying to fit work out in. which resulted in me over stretching myself. i ended up with a sore throat and a fever over the weekend. and a very sore thigh. i initially expected it to just “pass”. but it didn’t. it was so painful that walking was difficult, and going up & down stairs was also very difficult. not being able to eat (my idea of enjoyment) was sad. it was embarassing really. and most of all, i kinda caused it. eh?

and when you feel like you’ve caused it, (especially in the case of my thighs), i never thought of praying for God to take the pain away. cos well, it was self inflicted right. i deserved it! geez. but as the days passed, the pain was really excruciating. like i can’t even sleep properly. and when i’m awake, i just try to minimize the pain in front of other ppl cos it’s SO EMBARASSING la to be in pain as a result of going to the gym -_-”

then i really felt the Holy Spirit saying to me ask for healing. but but but, it’s such a silly reason! He reminded me about Ps Prince’s message that says, “when you’re sick and you’re in pain, who are you thinking of? YOURSELF! God wants you well so that you can think of other people.” that’s so true!!! haih. regardless of HOW you ended up with that pain, silly or not, God wants to see me whole. and so pray i did.

and since yesterday evening, i was able to walk normally. and today i am able to go up & down the stairs without hanging on to the rail like my life depended on it.

moral of the story is. regardless of whether the pain is “caused by you” or not.. God still wants to heal you. and help you. if only you’d ask.. i guess it applies to every area of our lives as well. sometimes we don’t ask God for forgiveness, or to take the pain away, because we feel like we deserve it. or it’s almost like we MUST go through it, experience the pain, so that we feel less guilty, or feel like we’ve contributed and paid back what we “owe”. the message is this: God has paid for everything. His grace beyond reason, has given us the freedom. Without us having to “pay”. illogical. but true.. why take the hard way, when God offers us the easy way out?

to marry or not to marry?

was in clinic today and we were seeing a couple. i took the wife’s blood pressure first, and it was a bit high. so we advised her etc.. and then asked, are you stressed? she answered us by staring at her husband, and then turned to face me – she asked: are you married? me: no.. wife: *shakes her head* lucky you

my gp and i had a good laugh this morning..

addit: the very next day, it was a cold one. so i turned on the heater. [note: my tolerance towards the cold is not much] so i made sure i asked each patient that walked in if it was too warm for them. so Mr J, a very funny man jokingly said, you’re wasting too much energy christine! turning the heater on and all that (well, in my defense, it was so cold my fingers were turning blue! and i’m from malaysia where it’s really warm). ahahaha.. at the end of the consultation, he cheekily said, “if you wanna be warm, go and get married!”

-_-”

what’s with patients these days?

anyway, to sum up my gp rotation, it turned out to be better than i expected it to be – considering how much i dreaded it (no offense to those who wanna do gp training, it’s just that i did my share of general practice last yr). dr jain’s really nice, and by the 2nd-3rd week, she pretty much let me do my own stuffs, see my own patients etc. long hours no doubt.. thank God for chuen who lent me her car. for which i am eternally grateful!

out of the 3 weeks of seeing many patients with the cold/flu/urti, i thought i was strong enough but i finally succumbed. just fever and a sore throat, which is heaps better now by the grace of God, good rest and some panadol (all of which still comes from above). as for my muscle aches.. let’s not go there. oh ok, we shall. i had my final FREE personal training session at fitness first yesterday, and boy did my trainer work those muscles. my quads and hemstrings are SO painful, it’s not funny k

a day in the life of me

on my day off (ie. tuesday), i wake up, do my devotions, watch devotions online, EAT my breakfast/lunch made days ago (we cook for the week you see), takes a shower, take a 5 minute BUS ride to the gym, work out for 1.5 hrs, takes a 3.5 minute BUS ride to central market, to buy MORE FOOD, and walks back (although she really wants to take the bus) but it’s a bit much because the village is just a stop away.

why did i go to the gym again? lol..

but i must say, latin fiesta class was good! move those hips babehh..

blur sotong (squid)

today as i was driving, i decided to listen to one of Ps Prince’s sermons again. I’ve just heard them 2 weeks ago when I got them from Belle. Halfway through the sermon, I realized that everything sounded different. Like there were familiar bits, but just not quite in that order. Lo and behold, I realize that my iPod was on shuffle the first time -_-” no wonder!!! when i heard it the first time, i was actually thinking to myself, why this time Ps Prince’s msg a bit all over the place ha? I mean they still made sense. well. at least I thought it did. but it definitely makes more sense now as I listen to it the 2nd time round in the RIGHT ORDER! hahaha.. haih~ christine christine

too much medicine

you know you need to take some time off medicine when:
1) you start writing 5/12 or 1/52 in everyday life (like forms, and notes etc.) when you really mean 5 months/1 week,
2) you read a book and the word contradiction appears as contraindications
3) you don’t look at the patient as a person but look at their veins (and your heart jumps with joy when you see a big juicy vein, yum!)

haha.. almost laughed out loud at clinic today just thinking about these things. i should get a life. ahahaha..

thank You!

will have to push my ‘reminder’ post till later..

but today, i want to say thank You:

for not letting me go through what i cannot bear
for showing me that you love me and you care for me
for putting precious people in my life
for giving me purpose and meaning in this journey called life
for providing me with what i need
for Your grace and Your goodness

words cannot express how grateful i am to You

reminders…

i don’t know how to write this (as in i know what i want to write but i don’t want it to sound confusing), yes even to me it was confusing when i wrote it in my draft. hahaha.. i think i need an editor. help?