not me, me. i mean my patients.
well for one, i am sparing my patients from catching this nasty-where-on-earth-did-it-come-from-cold that i’ve contracted over the last few days. gosh. it’s debilitating. notice i said cold. not the flu. taboo k!!!!!!!!! of which my gp has adviced me to stay home, and i thank God for an ever so understanding supervisor who is so kind to let me take the few days off (when i’m actually supposed to be “acting neuropsych reg”) sigh. yea. i only did that for one day this week. haha!
being in psych for a week or so, the memories of 4th year keeps coming bck to me. while psych is an interesting subject, it really makes you think, question, and wonder about so many things. of all the specialties, i think psych is the most emotionally draining. for me especially, being a very emotional and sensitive sort of person, i’m not one that takes, death, sickness and dying very easily. not that anyone else would!
so i have 4 patients under my team, and all of them have different (very different!) conditions. i won’t talk abt their illnesses because i respect their privacy, but i will say that it is sad. sad to see them that way. sad to see how others treat them. sad to see how people laugh at how deluded and “crazy” they are. i won’t say that i don’t. sometimes, the things they say are so out of this world, you’re not sure whether to laugh, or to feel sorry for them because it’s not true! i feel for them. when their family neglects them because well, to be honest, they are not the most likable people you’ll have on this planet. but still..
there’s just this stigma about mental illness that causes people to shy away from them. but the truth of the matter is, they are suffering a chronic disease just like every other person with a chronic disease eg. cancer, copd, heart disease, autoimmune disorders. and i do believe that they deserve the same, if not more care, concern and sympathy even, because most of the time, it’s not even their fault they contracted this illness. in fact, most of the time, they are victims of abuse, dysfunctional families, and political unrest. i don’t deny that i too am scared of some of these patients, because they can be violent and aggressive, but they don’t really know why.
that’s why my psych rotation is always a struggle for me, to disconnect myself from their world seems cold, but to identify with them takes up too much of my emotions. i can only pray. i can only pray.
have mercy on them. for they know not what they’re doing.
